Bridging the Divide

On a particularly cold fall day recently, I bundled my kids and took them to a prayer walk in front of the local abortion clinic. Watching my 3 ft. tall 4-year-old holding a sign as big as herself advocating for life, my mind wanders to the incredibly divisive cultural moment we are living through.  I wonder if having my kids here, involving them in a deeply divisive issue they are not yet mature enough to understand fully, is somehow manipulative or unhealthy.  I can hear the voices of more than one friend telling me that they don’t want to force their beliefs on their kids, but want to leave room for them to decide for themselves.

How do we approach teaching our kids about values we hold dear, while respecting their own agency as individual human beings?

How do we help our kids navigate the moral, cultural and political divides we are facing while preserving some semblance of a healthy childhood?

Do we simply, as my friends suggest, present them with the information and leave them to form their own opinion?  With each of us coming to the table with our own bias, I suspect this is nearly impossible.  And I can’t help wondering, if all we leave is a void, what will our children draw from in order to fill it? On the other hand, if I strive to answer their questions honestly, vulnerably, admitting that I myself am a faulty human being who is still learning and growing, at least they have a placeholder for these concepts. It provides them a foundation from which to start seeking truth for themselves.

While I am certainly no expert, I have worked hard to build an open and honest relationship with my kids.  I was open with them about why we were at the clinic that morning and also about the fact that some people see things differently.  I was able to show them that it is important to stand up for what we believe in and to treat those who feel differently with respect, even when it is not returned.  Lessons such as these are in rare supply in the outside world lately, so I am grateful to still exist in a season where my influence with my children is stronger than those outside.

I want my kids to understand that their prayers matter, their voices matter, their opinions matter, even though they are still immature and forming.  Maybe their opinions will change as they grow, but that in no way invalidates who they are today.  People are allowed to change their minds. 

Of course I want my kids to experience the richness of life and purpose that I have found through my beliefs.  But my fervent desire for them is born not out of fear, but out of love.  And love begets freedom.  My kids are free to choose to believe differently from me and that will in no way change the love I have for them.

 And love, I believe, is the strongest foundation we can give our children as they venture into the world.  If our children know that they are safe and loved, despite how far from our own beliefs they may wander, they are likely to extend that compassion to those they encounter along the way. 

So, I guided my mind back toward the prayers, grateful for the opportunity to intercede on behalf of something I value.  And grateful also, for the three small human beings before me whom I have been given to nurture into strong adults capable of lovingly and wholeheartedly living out their values.  I can’t think of any task more important. 

Living and Loving Alongside You,

April